So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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