is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
