Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
