you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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