So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
