I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
