I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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