Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
