I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
