So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
