why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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