I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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