It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
