Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
