you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
