I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
