dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
