I want to have your abortion
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
