Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
