I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
