Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
