KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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