wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
