We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
