It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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