sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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