I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
