The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
