There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
