the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
