He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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