News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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