He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you inspire me to be a worse person
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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