I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
