is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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