she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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