I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
