i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
