At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
