So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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