so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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