Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
