now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
