After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
