this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
