his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
