so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
