If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
