What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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