I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
