Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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