My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
