I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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