so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
