There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i dont even know how to be here
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
