btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
